An hour out from Lindoma§
He sleeps through Torvena, changes there in the morning, and is on the Lindoma train by the middle of the afternoon. Vlad receives a message from Nozaki when he is an hour out from Lindoma.
Vlad's phone, an hour out from Lindoma
-
I have not heard from you since Haneda. Are you home?
-
I am going home. I am approaching Lindoma.
-
Good. I was starting to wonder whether the boat had run at all.
-
How are you doing?
-
Back on shift since Wednesday. Nothing has changed here except that you were here and now you are not.
The platform off Belvacius§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
I met this woman, Linda, and she was working for an offshore mobile datacenter that reached somewhere off the coast of Belvacius and is heating the water around it, among other things. I filed a case against the platform with her and we discovered an annex. Besides that, we have been having a very casual conversation
-
She doesn't talk in a lot of words
-
Filed a case against what?
-
And who is she and how did any of that happen?
-
It's a British company that runs an offshore datacenter used to run AI models. She is part of the HR of that platform but now she resides in the republic and receives protection from a cooperative
-
So she handed you a case on the way north and you took it.
-
No, she told me about that platform and I made a case in my name against the platform
-
In your name, with her working there until she came ashore. Does she know you have put your name on it?
-
Of course she does, we filed the case together, on the phone. In the DSB subsection of the government's website they have a simple drafting model
-
You complete a form and get suggestions, and send the document to court
-
I have never lived anywhere a person could do that from a train.
-
Neither did I or her. I knew that there was an interesting portal on the DSB section of the website
The annex and the drones§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
What does the annex say?
-
It says that the court had ordered aerial inspections but the platform quickly shot down those drones, company policy being that all drones, even those little quadcopters, are Russian drones that must be shot down
-
So they shot at a court's aircraft and wrote the reason down in advance.
-
Yes, and now the court is planning to send submarines
-
What happens if they shoot at those as well?
-
I am not sure
What else they talked about§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
What did the two of you talk about when it was not the platform?
-
We talked a bit about the trip, life, a few random things and not much else
-
Did you tell her about Japan?
-
I did tell her that I was in Japan, and a bit about friends
-
A bit about friends means she knows my name.
-
Yes, she does
-
Then that is fine, I was only asking.
-
Don't worry about it, and I have told her your name and not much else, as of now
-
I know. You would not have said more than that.
-
I want to talk to her more, even though it's frequent. She tells me to write, and also wrote to me in two days
-
Then write to her.
-
I will, soon
The couch at Leriduson§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
What else has happened since Haneda?
-
Well, I hanged out with Marliene at Leriduson. She invited me to sleep in her building, on the extended couch
-
How long have you known her?
-
I think I knew her since July
-
A month, then, and she gave you her couch without thinking about it.
-
She hasn't thought much. Initially she said her building is standard, not interesting, and then she carried my pack, chosen a small restaurant close to the station and presented her flat
-
She was asking questions and I think she really thought of me
-
That is what people do when they have decided about you already.
-
It's refreshing when Marliene puts me questions and makes me think, because others don't ask questions that much
-
I ask you things.
-
I know you do, but she asks a lot more now
-
She is in the same country as you, so she can afford to.
-
She was born here, in Prevessa. She moved to Leriduson
-
I meant that she is near you and I am not.
-
I know, what should I have said?
Coming back to Japan§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
Nothing. I expected you to say you would come back at some point, and you answered the sentence instead.
-
Come back where?
-
To Japan. I know it is expensive and I know you have just got home.
-
Why go back to Japan?
-
Because I am here.
-
Is that it? You want to see me again?
-
Yes.
-
You know that going to Japan for me is a complicated process.
-
I know what it took. Two days each way and the leave you had to ask for.
-
Nozaki...
-
I am not asking you to book anything. I am saying I want it.
-
I know, I wanted to ask how much do you like me.
-
Enough that you have been in my head on the Chuo every morning this week and at the machine all day.
-
It's been a few days, it's not even a full week.
-
I am aware of how long it has been.
The only hour in the day§
Vlad's phone, on the Lindoma train
-
You know I can't be there physically for you. What's the time in Japan?
-
Half eleven at night. I am in bed with the light off.
-
Why are typing at night?
-
Because it is the only hour in the day that belongs to me.
-
It's the time where you are not occupied
-
Yes. Everything before it is arranged around somebody else.
-
I have sympathy for you, just so you know
-
Do not feel sorry for me. It is a hard week and it is my week, and I have carried it a long time without anyone being sorry about it.
-
I want you to feel alright
-
I do when I am talking to you, and then I hear myself and I think you have enough on you without carrying my evenings as well.
Sympathy from the outside§
Vlad's phone, coming in toward Lindoma
-
In Romania I have not been that poor, my father has a company and my mother still gets by with the salary she has at the National Health Insurance House. My family could have been poorer, but we are not. Now that I am in the republic and no longer worrying about cuts, I think I can afford to sympathize with you
-
Then you have never been where I am and you are sympathising from the outside, which is honest at least.
-
I personally had a limited budget, we significantly reduced our spending and despite that, I feared that we might still lose
-
The house I grew up in never lost anything either, and we spent twenty years waiting to.
-
I care because you are my friend
-
I care about you as well. That is why I wrote first.
-
Sorry. I am crying and I have no reason for it that I can put in a message.
-
We just had a very emotional conversation
-
We did, and I am the one who started it, in the dark.
-
Do you want some space?
-
No. I want to call you, if you can take it on the train.
The call§
Vlad
dialing Nozaki Alright, this is it.
Nozaki
picking up on the second ring, her voice low and close to the phone I did not think you would ring straight away.
Vlad
I want to give you a virtual hug.
Nozaki
the sound of her shifting under the blanket, then her breath going uneven again I have been fine all week. I got up, I went in, I did the work, I came back, and then you wrote and it all came apart in about four minutes. a long unsteady breath You held onto me by the water and I felt taken care of, and then I put you on a plane and came back to a flat where no one speaks to me until the morning. I go through a whole day now and every part of it is a person handing me something and not looking at me, and I did not notice how much of that there was until three days when it was not like that.
Vlad
I looked up on the interned to find opinions against Tokyo's urban sprawl, and there was virtually no one that said, well, this is desolate and full of concrete. Everyone said it was efficient.
Nozaki
sniffing, then something closer to a laugh Of course they said that. The people writing about it come for a week and they ride the trains, and the trains are the good part. Nobody writes the rest down because the rest is not a photograph. Forty minutes standing, a room the size of the bed, the shops all the same six shops. quiet for a second I have said it is efficient myself, to people at work. It is easier than saying I have lived here my whole life and it has never once felt like it was mine.
The timetable and the driver§
Vlad
And now I think that train simulators are a symbol of just how strict the conditions are. If you are late, the timetable does not shift for you. In one game you have to try catch up with the timetable, but of course, you can't because of speed restrictions and accumulated lateness, while in another game you have to wait until the next lot if you are a few minutes late or early.
Nozaki
the blanket moving again, her voice steadier now The one everybody knows here is the crash at Amagasaki, near Osaka, the year I was still at school. The driver had overrun a platform and was running about a minute and a half behind, and he went into the curve far too fast and the front of the train went into a block of flats. What came out afterwards was that the company used to send drivers off the trains for being late, to pull weeds and clean the toilets and write out apologies where everyone could see them, and he had been through it before. a pause on the line So your game has the shape of it right. The timetable holds and the person bends.
Vlad
And you have to bend too.
Nozaki
I bend every day and nobody dies of it. the blanket again, then the sound of her sitting up I have to sleep. I am on the early shift and I take the first Chuo, so I am up in five hours.
Vlad
Then why don't you sleep now?
Nozaki
Because I want to cry for a while longer first, and I would rather do it with you on the line than after you hang up.
Crying on the line§
Vlad
letting her cry and staying silent
Nozaki
crying quietly for a long time, the phone against the pillow, then her voice coming back thin I hate that anyone sees this. At my mother's house I do it in the bathroom with the tap running, and at work I go out to the stairwell. You are the second person who has heard it and the first one was you as well.
Vlad
You can cry for as long as you want.
Nozaki
a long breath that ends halfway I am tired of all of it. I know I have said that to you already and I am saying it again because it is still true in the middle of the night. I do not want to be a woman who breaks. I get up, I go, I hold my mother's arm on the stairs, I do the shift, and none of that stops because I am lying here doing this. If I let myself be the kind of person who comes apart, there is no one behind me to take the week.
Vlad
It's okay to feel like that, I am here.
Nozaki
the crying easing off, her breathing slower against the phone I know you are. It is the whole reason it came out.
Weak and strong§
Nozaki
starting again, quieter this time, the phone slipping down onto the pillow Naijaku da ne, watashi. Kore, ichiban shitakunakatta koto.
wiping her face with the back of her hand Nannen mo hitori de yatte kite, ima ni natte kore. Denwa no mukou ni hito ga iru dake de kore.
How weak I am. This is the thing I least wanted to do.
Years of doing it on my own, and now this. One person on the other end of a phone and this is what happens.
Vlad
What is that?
Nozaki
a wet, small laugh Sorry. I forgot who I was talking to for a second. I said I am weak, and that this is the thing I wanted least, and that years on my own did nothing and one person on a phone did this.
Vlad
You're not weak. In fact, you're strong for this.
Nozaki
quiet for a while Everyone says that to a woman who is still standing. It is easier to say than to ask what it costs her.
Vlad
Then I did a great offense.
Nozaki
No. You are the one who asked.
Why she moved the flights§
Vlad
You have gone through a lot on your own, I didn't do everything.
Nozaki
the phone shifting as she lies back down You came for Akima's grandfather. That was the whole of it when I stood at the barrier at arrivals, a favour for a woman I write to, three days and then home. Somewhere on the way to Kochi it turned into me wanting the days for myself, and I was moving flights so I would have the evening.
Vlad
There was this divide, compassion versus empathy, where some believed that empathy is not enough, and that we need compassion, we need action.
Nozaki
You did the action part before you knew me. You got on two planes for a woman you have never seen in a room, sat two days on trains, and went up a valley to an old man who talked at you in a dialect you could not follow. And here you can do nothing at all, you are on a train on the other side of the world, and I still feel better than I did four hours ago. So it is not that I need you to fix anything.
What she says to herself§
Vlad
keeping quiet while thinking what to say
Nozaki
the line quiet for a stretch, then her voice going low again Nande kono hito ni bakari ienno. Akima ni mo iwanai koto o.
turning over, the sheets moving Mou nenakya. Nenakya ikan no ni.
Why is it only to him that I can say this. Things I do not even say to Akima.
I have to sleep. I have to sleep and I am not doing it.
Vlad
You talking to yourself again. It's okay, I do too.
Nozaki
not answering him Hazukashii. Kikoeteru no ni yamerarenai.
a breath out Kono mama kiretaku nai. Sore dake.
Embarrassing. He can hear it and I still cannot stop.
I do not want this to end yet. That is all it is.
Vlad
Nozaki...
Nozaki
still not answering him Sannen mae no watashi ga kore o mitara warau ne. Nani hitotsu kawattenai no ni, kokoro dake ugoiteru.
the sheets again, then nothing for a while Ii. Mou ii.
The woman I was three years ago would laugh at this. Nothing has changed and only my feelings have moved.
Enough. That is enough.
Sorry. I was stuck in it and you were sitting there listening to me talk to the ceiling. I am a little embarrassed about all of it.
Vlad
There is nothing to be embarrassed of.
Nozaki
For you there is nothing. quieter, going away from the phone again Kono hito wa sou omowanai. Demo hoka no hito wa chigau. Kaisha no hito ga kore o kiitara, ashita kara mikata ga kawaru.
turning her face into the pillow Kore o kittara, ato wa shigoto dake. Ikitakunai. Hontou ni ikitakunai.
He does not think so. Other people are different. If anyone at the company heard this, I would be looked at differently from tomorrow.
Once this call ends there is only work. I do not want to go. I really do not want to go.
Vlad
You know I can still hear you have some deep emotions.
Nozaki
I know you can hear it. I cannot get it to stop. It has been coming up all evening and it is still coming up, like something boiling over that I keep putting the lid back on.
The announcement§
Vlad
I am approaching Lindoma. I see the suburbs.
Nozaki
a small sound that is halfway back to a laugh Then let me do the announcement for you, since you are the one who drove them on a screen. with a flat, bright voice Mamonaku, sanbansen ni, Torvena hatsu, Lindoma yuki no ressha ga toochaku itashimasu. Kiken desu kara, kiiroi sen no uchigawa ni sagatte omachi kudasai. Ressha ga mairimasu made, ima shibaraku omachi kudasai. Nanbansen ka wa shiranai kedo, mou sanbansen de ii ya. Otsukaresama deshita. (Shortly, at platform three, the train from Torvena bound for Lindoma will arrive. It is dangerous, so please stand back behind the yellow line. Please wait a short while until the train arrives. I have no idea which platform it actually is, so platform three will do. You have done well today.)
Vlad
Shortly, at platform three, the train to Lindoma from Torvena will arrive... and then the usual stuff...
Nozaki
The rest of it is the yellow line and being told to wait, which is most of what any of them say. The part I put in the middle was me admitting I do not know your platforms, and the last thing was otsukaresama deshita.
Vlad
Which is...
Nozaki
You have worked hard, near enough. It is what you say to someone who has got to the end of something.
Vlad
in mock annoyance Stimați călători, vă rugăm să stați în spatele liniei galbene în morții lu' măta. (Passengers, please stand back behind the yellow line, and a curse on your dead.)
Nozaki
laughing now, the first time all call I understood the first half of that and I am fairly sure the second half was not on the recording.
Vlad
Of course it is not. I wish I could suppress every single announcement in trains.
Nozaki
You would miss them within a week. The Chuo without the voice would just be four hundred people breathing.
Vlad
Ah, I am not even used to trains with that many people.
Nozaki
You saw it at the good hour. Try it at eight in the morning, when the man behind you decides where your feet go.
The end of the call§
Vlad
Anyways, I hope you are feeling better.
Nozaki
I am. My face is a mess and I feel better.
Vlad
That's good.
Nozaki
Get off the train and get home first. I will write to you after the shift.
Vlad
I will, there nothing else to do.
Nozaki
Sleep in your own bed, then. Good night, Vlad.
Vlad
It's afternoon in here, but anyways, bye.
Nozaki
Then good afternoon and good night at the same time. Bye, Vlad.